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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28725471">You're In A Car With A Beautiful Girl</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovekimkelly/pseuds/ilovekimkelly'>ilovekimkelly</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Freaks and Geeks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>80s gays, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s01e18 Discos and Dragons, F/F, First Kiss, Inspired by Poetry, Inspired by Richard Siken, Teen Angst, The Grateful Dead, the grateful dead tour</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:46:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,108</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28725471</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovekimkelly/pseuds/ilovekimkelly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim isn't sure how she's going to survive the summer without Lindsay. Inspired by a Richard Siken poem.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Kelly/Lindsay Weir</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You're In A Car With A Beautiful Girl</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Set in the middle of Discos and Dragons, before Kim and Lindsay leave for the Grateful Dead tour.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>You’re in a car with a beautiful girl, and she won’t tell you that she loves you, but she loves you.<br/>
And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired.<br/>
You’re in a car with a beautiful girl, and you’re trying not to tell her that you love her, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but she reaches over and she touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.<br/>
- Richard Siken <i></i></i>
</p><p>-</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kim sits in her car, grasping the steering wheel so tight she’s afraid it may snap and crumble into dust. In the passenger seat is Lindsay, looking at Kim with a distraught look on her face, not sure what to say. They’ve been in this situation before. But everything that has ever happened before this moment has been different, so different that Kim can’t think of any words to describe how this moment feels. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It’s the first day of summer break. Lindsay is leaving tomorrow. And Kim has to stay in this town, this place filled with reasons to be miserable. She remembers what Lindsay told her a few days ago, <i>“Kim, it’s summer vacation. You can go out of town, too. You can go anywhere you want.”<i> After everything they’ve been through this year, Kim knows that Lindsay still doesn’t know her, not really. </i></i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>It hurts to admit, but Daniel is the one who knows her best.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“Kim, are you okay?” Lindsay breaks the silence in a calm, tentative voice. Her arm gently brushes the back of Kim’s. The hair on Kim’s body stands on end.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I’m fine. I’m always fine. It’s just-” Kim cuts herself off with a sigh that sounds more like a dragon breathing fire. She’s trying her very best not to explode into a million little pieces. She doesn't know how to tell Lindsay what she needs to tell her. She doesn't know if she'll ever be able to.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Lindsay tries, but she never knows what to say when Kim is like this. “Is it about Daniel?” Everyone always thinks it’s about Daniel. It’s like Kim’s not allowed to have a life outside of him, and that’s part of the problem. No one ever sees her separate from him.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Kim’s voice is curt when she replies, “Not everything is about Daniel, Lindsay. Some things can just be about me.” But it's not just about her, it's about her and Lindsay.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Lindsay looks upset. She opens her mouth to speak but no words come out. Kim can only think about how beautiful Lindsay’s mouth is. Suddenly all thoughts of Daniel are forgotten, and Kim wonders what it would be like if everyone thought of her and Lindsay as a packaged deal. She thinks long and hard about what to say next. “I’m sorry. I’m just going to miss you. A lot.” She supposes that's safe to say.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Neither girl says anything for a while.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I don’t have to go to the academic summit, you know. I could stay,” the end of Lindsay’s sentence is barely audible, “with you.” </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>For the first time in a very long time, Kim doesn’t have a retort, angry or otherwise. She doesn’t know what to say in situations like this; she was never taught how to respond to kindness. She’s never had to respond to something so loving and saccharine. Kim would like Lindsay to stay with her more than anything in the world. Kim’s will to kiss the girl in her passenger seat is stronger than anything she’s ever experienced, stronger than her disdain for her parents, stronger than her feelings of emptiness, stronger than the hazy smell of exhaust that seems to stick to her car at all times. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I can’t make you stay here.” A tear rolls down Kim’s face. She doesn’t even reach up to wipe it away.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>And right in that moment, when Kim needs it most, Lindsay grabs her hands and looks into her eyes and says, “Then let’s both go away. You and me. We can go anywhere we want.” </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Kim holds Lindsay’s hands like they’re keeping her tethered to the ground and says, face brightening, “You’d go anywhere with me?”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I’d go anywhere with you, Kim.”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Before she has time to think about the consequences, Kim presses her body into Lindsay’s and kisses her forehead. When Lindsay doesn’t object, Kim travels down her face, kissing her nose, her cheeks, and finally, her mouth. Lindsay kisses Kim back like she’s been thinking about Kim the same way Kim has been thinking about Lindsay, and Kim curses herself for not kissing her sooner. Lindsay’s mouth tastes like mint, and rain, and hope. Kissing Lindsay makes Kim feel more hopeful than she ever has. Kissing Lindsay makes Kim feel like she really can go anywhere.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“Let’s follow the Grateful Dead.” Kim is panting, and she doesn’t care.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I thought you hated the Grateful Dead?” Lindsay asks, still holding onto Kim’s hands.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“They’re not the greatest, but I want to go to see America, I don’t want to go for the music.”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“Sure, Kim. It'll be like On the Road.” Lindsay says with a smile, and this time it’s her who pulls Kim into a kiss. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Kim won’t ever admit that she really likes the Grateful Dead. But she will admit that she really likes Lindsay. She will admit that kissing Lindsay is the best thing that’s happened to her, and she’ll admit that going on this tour will be even greater. For the first time, Kim Kelly feels like her own person.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>-</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>When Kim sees Lindsay step out of the bus, she can’t help but grin. Out of everyone in the world, Lindsay chose her. Kim hugs Lindsay hard, only thinking about how effortlessly happy she is. She thinks that everything in her life must have led up to this point. Everything that ever happened was meant to happen, because it let all this fall into place. She doesn’t care that the Deadheads’ bus is dorky, she doesn’t care that she’s leaving Detroit for the first time, she can’t even think about anything else. Lindsay’s smile as she climbs into the bus is all that’s on Kim’s mind. As their bus pulls out of the lot, Kim leans her head on Lindsay’s shoulder and closes her eyes. The Grateful Dead’s song “Ripple” is playing in her head. She’s sure this is the greatest feeling in the world.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
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